MY FIRST TIME TO USE A CONDOM

I entered a shop and bought a pack with 3
condoms, looked at them curiously for a while wondering how on earth I could use them. The lady at the counter noticed my puzzlement and asked sincerely, ''Have you ever used a condom? Do you know how to put it on?'' l blushed said,"No!" The
lady took one condom and opened it and wore it on her thumb as an example.'' This is how you wear it. You have to make sure it's tight!'' I was even more puzzled by this. I was just an
innnocent young man. She noticed how shy and confused I was."You must be a virgin," she said teasingly. "Have you ever had sex?" l said, "No!" Then she looked around the
shop; there was no one but just the 2 of us. She
called me behind the counter, opened the door leading to the back-
rooms and invited me in. She quickly locked the
door, told me to hurry up coz "..we don't have
time!" She pulled her short skirt up, her panty
down, opened her legs, and lay her back on a
table. Then she told me to wear the condom on just like she had told me. I did, and she pulled me close, and oh yes there I was right deep inside her wet sweet flesh. But Oh My God no, in just 10 seconds inside it was just too much and I came tsaaa tsaaa tsaaa ziii. The lady feels it too, she feels the hot cremora inside her, and asks me, ''Did you put the condom on like I told you?" "Yes, I did. Just like you told me!" I replied. She says, ''Let's see!" I showed her. "Oh shit!" she screamed. "You are supposed to wear it on your penis not on your THUMB, you dummy!'' Now d baby she had for me is now 8 years and I don't know
wat to do because she said I didn't ask for my child since these years. Is it my fault?

#funnyJoke: bedtime in africa

In USA when couples are going to
bed, you hear 'GOODNITE, MY
DEAR'.
In Britain, you hear
'GOODNIGHT
SWEETHEART. I LOVE YOU'
In Australia, you hear 'SWEET
DREAMS DARLING'
In Africa, you hear 'HAVE YOU LOCKED ALL THE DOORS AND THE WINDOWS?'
don't laugh alone pls!!!!

#‎IbadanGirlsBeLike‬ lols funny sayings

*Lying down on d Still water...
*Pls buy me some Bomb shot..
*Have never steppe..
*Take me to Kfc let order for seeking n sips..
*My best musician is sun tissue..
*I only like two thing in sardine,d oil n d fish,everyother thing is useless..
*My name is zainab but you can call me zain..
*I don't like ...
*Not all that glitter is goat...
*Majority carries d folt..
*Father lord may your name be highly Exhausted..
*When i saw my result,i was successful i passed away...

#Funnyfacts: Real funny facts lol

 

 1. The whitest man on earth still have a black
shadow.....
2. No mechanic can repair breaking news.....
3. No matter how tall you are, you can never
see tomorrow.....

4. Even if you have millions of cars you still
have to walk to your bedroom.....
5. You being the best swimmer doesn't make
you a fish.....
6. The strongest man on earth can never carry
a mountain.....
7. The smartest assassin on earth can never kill
water.....
8. No matter how smart a police is, he can
never catch the air..... And Lastly...
9. No matter how mighty and powerful your
enemies are they will never succeed over
you..

Morning JOKE ****** Racist backfired.

An American man walked into a restaurant in London. As soon as he entered, he noticed an African man sitting in the
corner. So he walked over to the counter, removed his wallet and shouted, "Waiter! I
am buying food for everyone in this
restaurant, except that black African guy over there!"
So the waiter collected the money from the man and began serving free food to everyone in the restaurant, except the
African. However,instead of becoming upset, the African simply looked up at the American and shouted,
"Thank you!" That infuriated the man. So once again, the American took out his wallet and shouted, "Waiter! This time I
am buying bottles of wine and additional food for everyone in this bar, except for that African sitting in the corner over
there!" So the waiter collected the money from the man and began serving free food and wine to everyone in the bar
except the African.
When the waiter finished serving the food and drinks, once again, instead of becoming angry, the African simply smiled
at the American man and shouted,
"Thank you!" That made the American man furious. So he leaned over on the counter and said to the waiter, "What is
wrong with that African man? I have bought food and drinks for everyone in this bar except for him, but instead of
becoming angry, he just sits there and smiles at me and shouts 'Thank you.' Is he mad???" The waiter smiled at the
American and said,
"No, he is not mad. He is the OWNER of this restaurant."
May your enemies work unknowingly in your favour........ .It shall come to pass in Jesus Mighty Name, Amen. Gud nite
pals

#Funnyjoke: Akpos Who killed Abel

I went to the police station to certify my document.
 On arrival, I met one of the policemen reading the bible,
specifically Genesis,
I was so impressed so I asked him, “Officer,
who killed Abel, Adam’s son?”
 He raised his head, looked at my face with dismay and said,
“I don’t know, ask Sgt Asare, he is in charge of murder cases.” -

#FunnyJokes: Nkechi Homework Paper

A primary school pupil looked so sad, so her teacher asked.
 “What’s the problem Nkechi? I hope it’s not homework again.”
 “Well, uh, yes, it is,” replied Nkechi
“I was stupid and made my homework paper into a paper airplane.”
 “Nkechi, you’re right, that was a very stupid thing to do,” said the teacher,
“but I’ll let you just unfold the paper and submit it.”

A primary school pupil looked so sad, so her teacher asked. “What’s the problem Nkechi? I hope it’s not homework again.” “Well, uh, yes, it is,” replied Nkechi “I was stupid and made my homework paper into a paper airplane.” “Nkechi, you’re right, that was a very stupid thing to do,” said the teacher, “but I’ll let you just unfold the paper and submit it.”

See more at: http://www.akposjokes.com/joke/homework-paper
Twitter: @akposjokes

#funnyjoke: Akpos Wedding Reception Drama

Akpos attended a wedding.

After the wedding the reception was a gathering of about 30 people.He sat at the front seat.

Then a lady started sharing food. She started from the back and unfortunately,
it didn’t reach those at the front.

When her friends started sharing drinks, they started from the front but unfortunately, Akpos had already changed his seat to the back.

Again, the drink didn’t reach him.

Akpos was so furious that he stood up to take his leave, but then he saw three ladies each with a big bowl.

This time, he tried to be wise by seating in the middle.

To his uttermost surprise, one of the ladies started sharing from the front while the second lady started distributing from the back. It was turkey meat. When it got to the middle where he was seated it got finished again.

Feeling so frustrated, Akpos bent his head, not looking at any face… .. But then the third lady tapped him and stretched her bowl that he should pick.. he stretched his hand…

Guess what was in the bowl? **TOOTHPICK.**

Akpos attended a wedding.
After the wedding the reception was a gathering of about 30 people.
He sat at the front seat.
Then a lady started sharing food. She started from the back and unfortunately, it didn’t reach those at the front.
When her friends started sharing drinks, they started from the front but unfortunately, Akpos had already changed his seat to the back.
Again, the drink didn’t reach him.
Akpos was so furious that he stood up to take his leave, but then he saw three ladies each with a big bowl.
This time, he tried to be wise by seating in the middle.
To his uttermost surprise, one of the ladies started sharing from the front while the second lady started distributing from the back. It was turkey meat. When it got to the middle where he was seated it got finished again.
Feeling so frustrated, Akpos bent his head, not looking at any face… .. But then the third lady tapped him and stretched her bowl that he should pick.. he stretched his hand…
Guess what was in the bowl? **TOOTHPICK.**
- See more at: http://funnyakposjokes.com/akpos-joke-wedding-reception-drama/#sthash.KTqwuyNm.dpuf

#FunnyPhoto: Lying to girlfriend Sharp guy things

  

lol, better

#funnyjoke: only for Naija

It is only in Nigeria where you’ll see a notice board that says,
 “Job Vacancy: Man wanted with 40 years experience of work.
He must be less than 25 years of age.” -

(my people how una see these kind notice)

#FunnyJoke: Red Goat Akpos

A primary school teacher handed out a coloring page to her class.
On it was a picture of a goat holding an umbrella.
The teacher told her class to color the goat in black and the umbrella green,
however, Akpos, the class rebel, colored the goat in red.
After seeing this, the teacher asked him,
"Akpos, how many times have you see a red goat?"

Young Akpos replied with,
"The same number of times I've seen a goat holding an umbrella."
lol

A primary school teacher handed out a coloring page to her class. On it was a picture of a goat holding an umbrella. The teacher told her class to color the goat in black and the umbrella green, however, Akpos, the class rebel, colored the goat in red. After seeing this, the teacher asked him, "Akpos, how many times have you see a red goat?"

See more at: http://www.akposjokes.com/joke/red-goat
Twitter: @akposjokes

Lol. See what this guy did with Keke Napep (photo)

A guy named Kenneth who lives in Calabar but is from Nnewi in Anambra state redesigned this Keke. He added the stuff in front to make it more balanced. Makes sense or nah?

#funnyPhoto: this person no like NEPA O lol

As seen in a house in Lagos recently...lol