12 STUPID QUESTIONS PEOPLE ASK (You will laugh till u get tired.) LOL

1. You see identical twins, you
still dey ask 'na twins be dis'?
No bros, na picmix...lol
2. Nepa brings light and
everyone in the neighborhood
shouts 'up Nepaaa'! My guy ask
me, O boy na light be that?
No oh, Na Holy Ghost fire! Lol!
3. You see person dey vomit, you
still dey ask am 'you no well'?
Em well, e juz dey practice how
to vomit.
4. You just wake up from sleep
person come ask you "you don
wake?"
No oh, I come buy bread wey I go
chop for dream.
5. You see woman wey born new
pikin u ask her "madam u don
born? " No ohhhh, she buy am
for OLX...
6. You greet person "good
morning ma" ! She ask, my pikin
you don wake????
no ohhhh, I dey sleep walk...
7. My guy ask me "O boy where u
dey?" I tell am say i dey bank, nd
him ask me "Wat is happening
there?"
Nah new yam festival.. *LMAO*
8. My neighbour sees me
opening the gates to drive out
and asks me, U dey comot?
Not at all... I be the new
gateman...
9. I dey watch film? my guy enta
come ask me "Guy na film u dey
watch?
No naa... I dey discuss with
Osuofia...
.
10.U see me dey chop indomie
come dey ask me, O boy, na
indomie u dey chop so?
No ohhhh... Na fried rubber band
mixed with thread.
11. U see me dey come from inside rain
U come ask me, O boy rain beat u?
No oohh I just pour water for body as i wan enter house ni.
12. Dem tell u say person die for plane crash
U come ask say, em die as a passenger?
No, em die as a luggage.
As u dey now, abeg i need to
ask u one question, no vex abeg.
Shey 2day na monday??

funny story: Lolz. Groom sues his bride for not being

#HILARIOUS, dont try to deceive me with all that make_ups... Coz this will be our story lolz.
An Algerian groom took his bride to court
just a day after their marriage, accusing her
of not looking as pretty as before the
wedding and of cheating him with much
make-up.
The groom, who is seeking $20,000
damages, told court in the capital Algiers
that he was shocked when he got up in the
next morning and found that his wife
looked so different, that he could not
recognise her.
Newspapers in the North African Arab
country said the groom swore in court that
he even mistook his wife for a “thief who
came to steal his apartment".
“The groom told the judge that he could
not recognise his wife after she washed the
make-up off her face.
"He said he was deceived by her as she
used to fill up her face with make up before
their marriage,” the papers said, quoting a
court source.
“He said she looked very beautiful and
attractive before marriage, but when he
woke up in the morning and found that she
had washed the make-up off her face, he
was frightened as he thought she was a
thief.
"The groom told court that he is demanding
$20,000 damages for his psychological
suffering.”

Lovely story (Must Read)

A man went for an interview in an oil company. After the
interview, the Boss & the board members asked the man.
Boss; young man did you come
with a paper signed by a minister, a senator or an army
officer?
Man; the person that sent me
assured me that the job will be
given to me, And he has submitted the paper before i came.
Boss; is he a minister?.
Man; He is above a minister.
Boss; is he a governor or
mr president??
Man; He is above mr president.
Boss; my friend are u alrite?.
Now tell us who sent you befor i get yor arrested now.
Man; Him that sent me, His Name is Almighty God, the
owner of everything, both oil & gas.
There was a big silent everywhere
Boss.; young man u can
go. The man went home. After 2
weeks a letter of employment was sent to the man with free
accommodation & a new prado
jeep for official use.

You that is reading this post if you believe that God have
signed your paper of upliftment Pls give the Lord a big
"THANK YOU LORD"
God will make a way for you.

Nigerians recount their secondary school days using funny memes and photos lols

Check out this hilarious hashtag trending right now on twitter.. More when you continue...

Funny joke: Little Johnny and teacher lols

 

Little Johnny was sitting in
class doing math problems
when his teacher picked him
to answer a question,
"Johnny, if there were five
birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun,
how many would be left?"
"None," replied Johnny, "cause
the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said
the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking." Little
Johnny says, "I have a
question for you. If there
were three women eating ice
cream cones in a shop, one
was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone
and the third was sucking her
cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher
nervously, "I guess the one
sucking the cone." "No," said Little Johnny, "the one with
the wedding ring on her
finger, but I like the way
you're thinking."

Funny conversation Between father and Daughter

Fantastic Bumper
Daughter to father:
“Dad, there is
something my
boyfriend said to me,
that I didn’t
understand. He said
that I have a beautiful
chassis, lovely airbags
and a fantastic
bumper.”
Father’s response:
“Tell your boyfriend
that if he opens your
bonnet and tries to
check your oil with his
dipstick, I will tighten
his nuts so hard that
his headlights will pop
out and he will start
leaking from his
exhaust pipe.”

Nice Inspirational Story: PAYING TITHE!!!

One day, a very wealthy man was walking on the road. Along the way, he saw a beggar on the sidewalk. The rich man looks kindly on the beggar & asked, “How did u become a beggar?” The beggar said, “Sir, I’ve been applying for a job for a year now but haven’t found any. U look like a rich man. Sir, if u’ll give me a job, I’ll stop begging.” The rich man smiled & said, “I want to help u. But I
won’t give u a job. I’ll do something better. I want u to be my business partner. Let’s start a business together.” The beggar blinked hard. He didn’t understand what the older man was saying. “What do u mean, Sir?” “I own a rice plantation. U could sell my rice in the market. I’ll provide u the sacks of rice. I’ll pay the rent for the market stall.

 I’ll even give you food allowance everyday for the next 30 days. All u have to do is sell my rice. And at the end of the month, as Business Partners, we’ll share in the profits.” Tears of joy rolled down his cheeks. “Oh Sir,” he said, “U’re a gift from Heaven. U’re the answer to my prayers. Thank u, thank u, thank u!” He then paused & said, “Sir, how will we divide the profits? Do I keep 10% & u get the 90%? Do I keep 5% & u get the 95%? I’ll be happy with any arrangement.” The rich man shook his head & chuckled. “No, I want u to give me the 10% & u keep the 90%.”. For a moment, the beggar couldn’t speak. When he tried to speak, it was gibberish. “Uh, gee, uh, wow, I mean, huh?” He couldn’t believe his ears. The deal was too preposterous.

 The rich man laughed more loudly. He explained, “I don’t need the money, my friend. I’m already wealthy beyond what u can ever imagine. I want u to give me 10% of ur profits so u grow in faithfulness & gratitude.”. The beggar knelt down before his benefactor & said, “Yes Sir, I will do as u say. Even now, I’m so grateful for what u’ve done for me!”. Each day, the beggar,now dressed a little bit better, operated a store selling rice in the market. He worked very hard. He woke up early in the morning & slept late at night. And sales were brisk, also because the rice was of good quality & after 30 days, the profits were astounding. At the end of the month, as the ex-beggar was counting the money, & liking very much the feeling of money in his hands, an idea grew in his mind. He told himself, “Gee, why should I give 10% to my Business Partner? I didn't see him the whole month! I was the one who was working day & night for this business.

 I did all this work! I deserve the 100% profits!” A few minutes later, the rich man was knocking on the door to collect his 10% of the profits. The ex-beggar opened the door & said, “ U don’t deserve the 10%. I worked hard for this. I deserve all of it!” And he slammed the door.
If u were his Business Partner, how would u feel???
But this is exactly what happens to us. God gave us everything. He gave us life, every single moment, every single breath, every single second. God gave us talents, our ability to talk, to create, to earn money. God gave us our body, our eyes, our ears, our mouth, our hands, our feet, our heart , HE gave us our mind, our imagination, our emotions, our reasoning, our language.

 God gave us opportunities, some taken some lost. God put us in positions, he gave us all we have to make the wealth. YET we take all of it for granted walking on the earth with pride as if we are self made ? We forget His immeasurable bounties & become ungrateful using the very same blessings He gave us to sin & throw back at Him.

The big question is, which of the favours of our Lord can we deny? When will we turn back to Him with gratitude & obedience? God has granted us all the opportunities to always remember Him and pay our tithes, offering and alms. Sow a little kindness today. By sharing dis message

Funny Joke: A girl added me on BBM and started chatting with me

HER: Thanks for accepting.
ME: You're welcome.

HER: Hope your ok?
ME : Yes and you?
HER: Fine. How about your health?
ME: All fine.

Next day
HER: Hi, how's your health today
ME: Fine and yours?
Her: Bye.

The next day
HER: Hi, how are you and how's your health today?
ME: Hey look! Are you expecting me to get sick? Or are you working for the MINISTRY OF HEALTH?! Abi them send you come?

funny photo: lols naija mums be like

Lols

Funny whatsapp convo between a father and daughter

Whatsapp convo between a lady and her dad on his new line. Apparently, she didn't have his new phone number stored on her phone... lol. See the rest of the convo after the cut...

Funny Photo: condom turns Anti virus lols

people sef...

Funny Joke: Bola Tinubu and Obasanjo lol

Bola Tinubu and Obasanjo were
seated next to each oda during
a church service...the pastor said:

turn to your neighbor and say
you are beautiful and adorable.
Tinubu looks at Obasanjo for a
moment then laughed out loud and
faced the pastor;tell him yourself I
don't want to lie in church.

Funny Facts, that will make you laugh out Loud

A guy asked u for sex and u asked, "Do u Love
me?". What do u expect him to say or Are U a
LEARNER ?
Half naked girls are hot,while well dressed girls
are beautiful...Hell is hot,while heaven is
beautiful...the choice is yours

You have been engaged to him for 2 years and
no
wedding is forth coming. Please kindly remove
the ring. Is your finger a key holder?

You have slept with over 10 girls without
protection yet you go to the barbers shop with
your personal clipper. What are you
preventing???

Guys always know who their heart belongs to,so
if
you like cook chicken in diamond sauce or do
monkey style in bed,if its not you, can't b you

In America wen a couple go to bed dey say
"Good
nighte my love" In Britain "Sweet dreams
darling"
In Nigerija "Did u lock d Gate, doors &
windows?

You cannot say "I can't date you, I have a
boyfriend" and be asking for money. GTBank
staff
cannot receive salary from UBA bank!

My name is Funmi, I used my friend to set up
my
boyfried to c if he'll cheat on me. Now they've
sent
me weding Invitation. WhAT AM I? A) Learner
B)
God sent C) Fool

No Guy will ever tell a Lady "i ve a GF" when
asking her out. Their National Anthem is "we
had issues & we've broken up"

welcome to Nigeria where the government is
responsible and blamed for every damn things.
if
mosquito bite you, you will blame the
government

No guy is single,you either snatch him from
someone or share him with someone, the most
important thing is to be the highest
ShareHolder.

. I woke up today,someone somewhere just took
their last breath. Thank You God for blessing
me
more than I deserve

35yr old first class graduate without job and u
dey
follow Lil'Wayne sing 'I Ain't Got no
worries' ...your life is on SOS

Idiot girl said: "I dated him for GOOD 10 years
and
he broke my heart" fool, what's GOOD in the
years?

(1).Sex won't make him love u (2). A baby won't
make him stay. If you're doubting me, kindly
ask TUFACE

No matter how nice you are to a goat, it will
still eat your yam

You make his 'Dick' hard, u carry him enter
room,
he don off shirt, then u shout April Fool... My
sister, he will RAPE ur Destiny!!

What shall it profit a girl to have all the
brazilian
hair in the whole world and still lose her
boyfriend to a girl on low cut

Kill an American citizen and 1 million
policemen
will be deployed to search for u but kill 1
million
Nigerians U will be invited for amnesty

Don't act like you have it all, even rich men beg
for pen in the bank

No matter how big ur house is,How recent your
car is,or how huge ur bank account is, Our
grave
is still gonna be the same size, stay humble

No Matter How Pretty Or Cute your Face Might
Be,you Will Still Be the Food For Worms....Set
your Arrogance Aside and Remember 6Feet