Friday, 31 July 2015
FUNNY COMPARATIVE ANALYSIS BETWEEN WIVES OF TODAY AND THAT OF YESTERDAY
1). Yesterday's Wives:
Welcome my husband, hope the
office was not
stressful, your favorite
food is ready, let me
lead you to the
bathroom first, then you take your dinner,
you look so tired, am
sure you'll be okay after
taking your dinner.
Welcome my one and
only. Today's Wives
Please don't put
unecessary pressure on
me, you can go to the
fridge pick up the stew,
microwave it and boil the remaining rice, i am
your wife and not your
cook.
2). Yesterday's Wives
Darling stop thinking
about our lack of money. Its going to be
temporary. God will see
us through and we are
going to come out of it
stronger. Afterall we
can still feed ourselves and the children. We
need to give the
Almighty that glory. I
am with you through
thick and thin, my
husband, the owner of my dowry.
Today's Wives
Look I am sick and tired
of living in this abject
poverty with you. Why
did you bring me to your house when you know
that you are not ready
for marriage? Every day
is one complaint or the
other. We don't have
cars, our house isn't complete, when your
mates are in Estate
houses. Look if you
don't find solutions to
your problems, you will
come back one day and not find me in this your
rotten house.
3). Yesterday's Wives
My husband, we only
have 3 children, don't
you think we should have more. You know
children are gifts and
mercies from God. And
the more the merrier.
Today's Wives
Look am sick and tired of this marriage. You
won't allow me to rest
by your constant urge
for sex all in the name
of having more children.
I am okay with our two children. I can't allow
you to spoil my figure 8
by bearing anotheby
bearing another 4
children. You are so
wicked that I feel you want to spoil my
psychedelic looks. If you
dare force me, I will sue
you for rape.
4). Yesterday's Wives
My husband, take heart and don't worry. I shall
go with you to
village. You are
being transfered from
lagos, it might be a
blessing in disguise. We shall take advantage of
the agricultural
opportunities of the
savannah zone to
advance our wellbeing.
Some disappointments could be a blessing.
Today's Wives
Me I can't follow you to
that remote ooooo. God
forbid, bad thing.From
lagos to village? I can't cope with such a
demotion. To start
living in a remote village.
You had better look for
another wife. I can't live
in a place without Silverbird,Amig o
supermarket, WestHill
supermarket or
shoprite.
5). Yesterday's Wives
My husband, I have enough clothes.This
#3000 you are giving
me, pls keep it and
save for a rainy day.
Today's Wives
Why are you so stingy? Do you have super glue
in your palms or you are
having a P.O.P hand?
What an insult. What
kind of shopping do you
want me to do with #3000? What can I
buy? Is it Swiss lace or
Dubai gold. I am
disappointed in you.Your
mates are giving their
wives $5000 to shop, here you are humiliating
me with naira. I don't
blame you. It is because
I refused to marry that
other guy (more
handsome and wealthier) that's why
you are messing up
with me.
Please be sincere, are
these not true fact
about today's wives. Don't laugh or be smiling
alone.
Thursday, 30 July 2015
Funny Joke: Girl toasting a guy lol
GIRL: Hi handsome.
BOY: Mcheeew (rolling his eyes)
BOY: Mcheeew (rolling his eyes)
GIRL: C'mon I mean no harm dude. Just
spare me a few minutes of your time.
BOY: say what you have to and leave
immediately.
GIRL: okay I have been watching you pass
here everyday and i feel attracted to you.
BOY: only that?
GIRL: I think you are hydrogen cause
whenever I see you my heart beats with a pop sound.
BOY: (blushing) aaaww stop the flattery.
GIRL: I'm damn serious. Can't you see that
am not sober and am staggering? That simply
proves that am drunk in love with you.
BOY: (smiling) go straight to The point, can't
you see am busy? (drawing patterns on The
ground using his feet)
GIRL: wow your smile is like Al Quaeda terrorists cause it has just captured The territory of my heart. Please give me a chance to invest in your heart business and you will see The profits
through my love for you.
BOY: You girls are just the same. You Just want
to use me then dump me heartlessly.
GIRL: OMG! Dats so inhuman. I want to show
you true love that can never even be witnessed
in the Soap Operas.
BOY: Kkk let me think about it then I will reply
you later.
GIRL: Okay handsome, take as much time
as you want. Whatever your decision is, I will
respect it but please say Yes.
"
"
"
NOW MY QUESTION IS::
Will there ever be a beautiful
Moment like this? where girls will do the 'toasting' and we The guys do the 'blushing'? Lol.. Can this ever happen??
spare me a few minutes of your time.
BOY: say what you have to and leave
immediately.
GIRL: okay I have been watching you pass
here everyday and i feel attracted to you.
BOY: only that?
GIRL: I think you are hydrogen cause
whenever I see you my heart beats with a pop sound.
BOY: (blushing) aaaww stop the flattery.
GIRL: I'm damn serious. Can't you see that
am not sober and am staggering? That simply
proves that am drunk in love with you.
BOY: (smiling) go straight to The point, can't
you see am busy? (drawing patterns on The
ground using his feet)
GIRL: wow your smile is like Al Quaeda terrorists cause it has just captured The territory of my heart. Please give me a chance to invest in your heart business and you will see The profits
through my love for you.
BOY: You girls are just the same. You Just want
to use me then dump me heartlessly.
GIRL: OMG! Dats so inhuman. I want to show
you true love that can never even be witnessed
in the Soap Operas.
BOY: Kkk let me think about it then I will reply
you later.
GIRL: Okay handsome, take as much time
as you want. Whatever your decision is, I will
respect it but please say Yes.
"
"
"
NOW MY QUESTION IS::
Will there ever be a beautiful
Moment like this? where girls will do the 'toasting' and we The guys do the 'blushing'? Lol.. Can this ever happen??
Funnyphoto: naija Fuel palava lols
Wednesday, 29 July 2015
Funny Photo of the Day
who is your best???
Funnyjoke: Oga Wife and Gateman lol
A wife suspected d husband of having sex wit
their maid,then she set a trap for d husband
by sending d maid to the village for the weekend
witout telling the husband. At night, the husband
told his usual story "darling i want to go and
wtch wrestling in the sitting room" he left. The
wife silently went to the maid's room lying down
on the bed naked without any light, he open the
door and join her on the bed without wasting
time and without a word, he had sex with her.
After the fifth round she said, it's enough, i have
caught you, so this is how you use to have sex with
our maid, you will do two round and you wil tell me you are
tired; fifth round now and you are still demanding
for more...
The gateman shouted and replied" AH MADAM AM SORRY O I NO KNOW SAY NA YOU O
EWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! She shouted,then the
husband rushed in and caught them, if you were the
man or woman, what will u do?...
their maid,then she set a trap for d husband
by sending d maid to the village for the weekend
witout telling the husband. At night, the husband
told his usual story "darling i want to go and
wtch wrestling in the sitting room" he left. The
wife silently went to the maid's room lying down
on the bed naked without any light, he open the
door and join her on the bed without wasting
time and without a word, he had sex with her.
After the fifth round she said, it's enough, i have
caught you, so this is how you use to have sex with
our maid, you will do two round and you wil tell me you are
tired; fifth round now and you are still demanding
for more...
The gateman shouted and replied" AH MADAM AM SORRY O I NO KNOW SAY NA YOU O
EWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! She shouted,then the
husband rushed in and caught them, if you were the
man or woman, what will u do?...
Tuesday, 28 July 2015
Akpors and Native Doctor
Akpos went to a native doctor and requested to know
how bright his destiny would be. The native doctor
drew a circle with a white chalk and another circle with
a black chalk.
After that, he placed a dead millipede on the floor and
asked Akpos to watch carefully. He said he would recite some incantation to make the dead millipede
start crawling. He told Akpos that if the millipede
crawls into the white circle, it means that his destiny
will be bright but if it crawls inside the black circle, it
means his destiny will be dark.
Finally he started his incantation and the dead millipede started crawling. When it got in between the
two circles, it turned and started crawling towards the
black circle.
Akpos watched and immediately it was about entering
the black circle, Akpos picked it and gently dropped it
inside the white circle. The native doctor who got furious asked Akpos why
he did that.
Akpos replied, “I won’t fold my arms and watch my
destiny crawl into darkness because my destiny is in
my hands.
May your destiny never crawl into darkness in Jesus
name.
Why not type Amen.
how bright his destiny would be. The native doctor
drew a circle with a white chalk and another circle with
a black chalk.
After that, he placed a dead millipede on the floor and
asked Akpos to watch carefully. He said he would recite some incantation to make the dead millipede
start crawling. He told Akpos that if the millipede
crawls into the white circle, it means that his destiny
will be bright but if it crawls inside the black circle, it
means his destiny will be dark.
Finally he started his incantation and the dead millipede started crawling. When it got in between the
two circles, it turned and started crawling towards the
black circle.
Akpos watched and immediately it was about entering
the black circle, Akpos picked it and gently dropped it
inside the white circle. The native doctor who got furious asked Akpos why
he did that.
Akpos replied, “I won’t fold my arms and watch my
destiny crawl into darkness because my destiny is in
my hands.
May your destiny never crawl into darkness in Jesus
name.
Why not type Amen.
Funny Joke: Babe thinks he loves her and got dissapointed
A girl started noticing a guy who stands in-
front
of her home everyday in the evening. She
noticed the guy always comes mostly in
the
evenings and weekends. The guy never
tried to
talk to her nor showed any gesture, he just
moves here and there by looking into his
mobile
phone and occasionally stealing a stare at
her.
It went on like that for a year and the girl
understood the guy was in love with her
but was
too shy to express his feelings. So, she told
her
parents. They too saw him and liked him.
They discussed with her grandparents
about a
likely marriage. But wanted her to make
the
first move.
Next day, she went to him and said: "Hi.
I'm
Esther."
GUY: "Hi. I'm Henry."
Hearing this, the Girl was very happy as the
names were matching like King Henry and
Queen Esther.
The girl went on and said: "I really
appreciate
your patience and decency. You have been
standing in front of my home everyday for
months now. So, I understand that you are
in love with me but too shy to say it. I
think I
really like you too and would love it if we
get married."
The guy smiled and Said: "Forgive me
sister!
Actually your home's WIFI doesn't have a
password. So, I come here every evening
after
work to use free wi-fi to chat with my
Girlfriend!..
front
of her home everyday in the evening. She
noticed the guy always comes mostly in
the
evenings and weekends. The guy never
tried to
talk to her nor showed any gesture, he just
moves here and there by looking into his
mobile
phone and occasionally stealing a stare at
her.
It went on like that for a year and the girl
understood the guy was in love with her
but was
too shy to express his feelings. So, she told
her
parents. They too saw him and liked him.
They discussed with her grandparents
about a
likely marriage. But wanted her to make
the
first move.
Next day, she went to him and said: "Hi.
I'm
Esther."
GUY: "Hi. I'm Henry."
Hearing this, the Girl was very happy as the
names were matching like King Henry and
Queen Esther.
The girl went on and said: "I really
appreciate
your patience and decency. You have been
standing in front of my home everyday for
months now. So, I understand that you are
in love with me but too shy to say it. I
think I
really like you too and would love it if we
get married."
The guy smiled and Said: "Forgive me
sister!
Actually your home's WIFI doesn't have a
password. So, I come here every evening
after
work to use free wi-fi to chat with my
Girlfriend!..
some niggas be like
I'm financially unable to support a relationship right now...
the way things are going, i may even break up with myself
Lol
the way things are going, i may even break up with myself
Lol
FunnyJoke: Are you good in bed
She lives near my house, i admire
her n she knows it! She has never
rejected my phone calls, and when ever
we chat on phone and i say something
about luv she will laugh and
cut the
call if i don't call back she keeps
flashing till I do! She called one
evening and said "pls my parents are
not around so can u pls comeover?"
Oh my God you are truely great just
what i have always been waiting for!
So within 15 minutes I was at her
doorstep! I knocked n when she
opened? I couldn't believe my eyes!
She was in a short towel with her
thighs highly expose n the middle
passage between her breast was
glistening with sweat oh mine! I go
die today. She quickly pulled me in
gave me a smile and locked the door!
She looked straight into my eyes n
said "are u good in terms of a bed?"
I smiled taught 2 myself today be
2day! i boldly answered "try me
sweetheart!" She smiled n her next
comment was! "My parents are not
around n i just broke our bed with
my boy friend can you fix it for me
whiles I take my bath plssssss! She
turned n left me standin there. Like
seriously
"This girl paaaa! Abi i be like
carpenter? For her eyes??
Thursday, 23 July 2015
Funnyphoto: Black intimidates white guy lol
During the rally, one of the Klan members pissed on his pants when he was confronted by a black guy. Lol
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