FUNNY COMPARATIVE ANALYSIS BETWEEN WIVES OF TODAY AND THAT OF YESTERDAY

1). Yesterday's Wives:
Welcome my husband, hope the
office was not
stressful, your favorite
food is ready, let me
lead you to the
bathroom first, then you take your dinner,
you look so tired, am
sure you'll be okay after
taking your dinner.
Welcome my one and
only. Today's Wives
Please don't put
unecessary pressure on
me, you can go to the
fridge pick up the stew,
microwave it and boil the remaining rice, i am
your wife and not your
cook.

2). Yesterday's Wives
Darling stop thinking
about our lack of money. Its going to be
temporary. God will see
us through and we are
going to come out of it
stronger. Afterall we
can still feed ourselves and the children. We
need to give the
Almighty that glory. I
am with you through
thick and thin, my
husband, the owner of my dowry.
Today's Wives
Look I am sick and tired
of living in this abject
poverty with you. Why
did you bring me to your house when you know
that you are not ready
for marriage? Every day
is one complaint or the
other. We don't have
cars, our house isn't complete, when your
mates are in Estate
houses. Look if you
don't find solutions to
your problems, you will
come back one day and not find me in this your
rotten house.

3). Yesterday's Wives
My husband, we only
have 3 children, don't
you think we should have more. You know
children are gifts and
mercies from God. And
the more the merrier.
Today's Wives
Look am sick and tired of this marriage. You
won't allow me to rest
by your constant urge
for sex all in the name
of having more children.
I am okay with our two children. I can't allow
you to spoil my figure 8
by bearing anotheby
bearing another 4
children. You are so
wicked that I feel you want to spoil my
psychedelic looks. If you
dare force me, I will sue
you for rape.

4). Yesterday's Wives
My husband, take heart and don't worry. I shall
go with you to
village. You are
being transfered from
lagos, it might be a
blessing in disguise. We shall take advantage of
the agricultural
opportunities of the
savannah zone to
advance our wellbeing.
Some disappointments could be a blessing.


Today's Wives
Me I can't follow you to
that remote ooooo. God
forbid, bad thing.From
lagos to village? I can't cope with such a
demotion. To start
living in a remote village.
You had better look for
another wife. I can't live
in a place without Silverbird,Amig o
supermarket, WestHill
supermarket or
shoprite.

5). Yesterday's Wives
My husband, I have enough clothes.This
#3000 you are giving
me, pls keep it and
save for a rainy day.
Today's Wives
Why are you so stingy? Do you have super glue
in your palms or you are
having a P.O.P hand?
What an insult. What
kind of shopping do you
want me to do with #3000? What can I
buy? Is it Swiss lace or
Dubai gold. I am
disappointed in you.Your
mates are giving their
wives $5000 to shop, here you are humiliating
me with naira. I don't
blame you. It is because
I refused to marry that
other guy (more
handsome and wealthier) that's why
you are messing up
with me.

Please be sincere, are
these not true fact
about today's wives. Don't laugh or be smiling
alone.

Funny Joke: Girl toasting a guy lol

GIRL: Hi handsome.
BOY: Mcheeew (rolling his eyes)

GIRL: C'mon I mean no harm dude. Just
spare me a few minutes of your time.
BOY: say what you have to and leave
immediately.
GIRL: okay I have been watching you pass
here everyday and i feel attracted to you.
BOY: only that?
GIRL: I think you are hydrogen cause
whenever I see you my heart beats with a pop sound.
BOY: (blushing) aaaww stop the flattery.
GIRL: I'm damn serious. Can't you see that
am not sober and am staggering? That simply
proves that am drunk in love with you.
BOY: (smiling) go straight to The point, can't
you see am busy? (drawing patterns on The
ground using his feet)
GIRL: wow your smile is like Al Quaeda terrorists cause it has just captured The territory of my heart. Please give me a chance to invest in your heart business and you will see The profits
through my love for you.
BOY: You girls are just the same. You Just want
to use me then dump me heartlessly.
GIRL: OMG! Dats so inhuman. I want to show
you true love that can never even be witnessed
in the Soap Operas.
BOY: Kkk let me think about it then I will reply
you later.
GIRL: Okay handsome, take as much time
as you want. Whatever your decision is, I will
respect it but please say Yes.
"
"
"
NOW MY QUESTION IS::
Will there ever be a beautiful
Moment like this? where girls will do the 'toasting' and we The guys do the 'blushing'? Lol.. Can this ever happen??

Funnyphoto: naija Fuel palava lols

lol, you all know how upcoming artist are desprate too get their music played on one of the biggest radio station, my guy saw opportunity lol, dude had to try his luck naw

Funny Photo of the Day

Lol. It's not everyday you see John Okafor, Victor Osuagwu and Francis Odega 'Mr Gerraouthere' in suits!
who is your best??? 

Funnyjoke: Oga Wife and Gateman lol

A wife suspected d husband of having sex wit
their maid,then she set a trap for d husband
by sending d maid to the village for the weekend
witout telling the husband. At night, the husband
told his usual story "darling i want to go and
wtch wrestling in the sitting room" he left. The
wife silently went to the maid's room lying down
on the bed naked without any light, he open the
door and join her on the bed without wasting
time and without a word, he had sex with her.
After the fifth round she said, it's enough, i have
caught you, so this is how you use to have sex with
our maid, you will do two round and you wil tell me you are
tired; fifth round now and you are still demanding
for more...
The gateman shouted  and replied" AH MADAM AM SORRY O I NO KNOW SAY NA YOU O

EWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! She shouted,then the
husband rushed in and caught them, if you were the
man or woman, what will u do?...

Funny Photo: police and Bribe man turn conductor lols

Lol. Oga olopa, why na, why?

Funny Joke: HUNGRY...POLICE.

A police man was walking along a "suya's"spot.
his eyes then caught a well roasted chicken
the "aboki"noticed his interest in the chicken he then asked
Aboki: "oga"police u won buy am??
police: sharap i just wanted 2 arrest the chicken 4 imoral dress....

Akpors and Native Doctor

Akpos went to a native doctor and requested to know
how bright his destiny would be. The native doctor
drew a circle with a white chalk and another circle with
a black chalk.
After that, he placed a dead millipede on the floor and
asked Akpos to watch carefully. He said he would recite some incantation to make the dead millipede
start crawling. He told Akpos that if the millipede
crawls into the white circle, it means that his destiny
will be bright but if it crawls inside the black circle, it
means his destiny will be dark.
Finally he started his incantation and the dead millipede started crawling. When it got in between the
two circles, it turned and started crawling towards the
black circle.
Akpos watched and immediately it was about entering
the black circle, Akpos picked it and gently dropped it
inside the white circle. The native doctor who got furious asked Akpos why
he did that.
Akpos replied, “I won’t fold my arms and watch my
destiny crawl into darkness because my destiny is in
my hands.
May your destiny never crawl into darkness in Jesus
name.
Why not type Amen.

Funny Joke: Babe thinks he loves her and got dissapointed

A girl started noticing a guy who stands in-
front
of her home everyday in the evening. She
noticed the guy always comes mostly in
the
evenings and weekends. The guy never
tried to
talk to her nor showed any gesture, he just
moves here and there by looking into his
mobile
phone and occasionally stealing a stare at
her.
It went on like that for a year and the girl
understood the guy was in love with her
but was
too shy to express his feelings. So, she told
her
parents. They too saw him and liked him.
They discussed with her grandparents
about a
likely marriage. But wanted her to make
the
first move.
Next day, she went to him and said: "Hi.
I'm
Esther."
GUY: "Hi. I'm Henry."
Hearing this, the Girl was very happy as the
names were matching like King Henry and
Queen Esther.
The girl went on and said: "I really
appreciate
your patience and decency. You have been
standing in front of my home everyday for
 months now. So, I understand that you are
in love with me but too shy to say it. I
think I
really like you too and would love it if we
get married."
The guy smiled and Said: "Forgive me
sister!
Actually your home's WIFI doesn't have a
password. So, I come here every evening
after
work to use free wi-fi to chat with my
Girlfriend!..

QUESTION OF THE DAY! (Funny)

Which one of this can you manage to do?

1- Six months without bathing
2- Six months without money
3- Six months without sex
4- Six months without phone
5- Six months without favourite food

 COMMENT and SHARE

some niggas be like

I'm financially unable to support a relationship right now...
the way things are going, i may even break up with myself
Lol

FunnyJoke: Are you good in bed

She lives near my house, i admire
her n she knows it! She has never
rejected my phone calls, and when ever
we chat on phone and i say something
about luv she will laugh and
cut the
call if i don't call back she keeps
flashing till I do! She called one
evening and said "pls my parents are
not around so can u pls comeover?"
Oh my God you are truely great just
what i have always been waiting for!
So within 15 minutes I was at her
doorstep! I knocked n when she
opened? I couldn't believe my eyes!
She was in a short towel with her
thighs highly expose n the middle
passage between her breast was
glistening with sweat oh mine! I go
die today. She quickly pulled me in
gave me a smile and locked the door!
She looked straight into my eyes n
said "are u good in terms of a bed?"
I smiled taught 2 myself today be
2day! i boldly answered "try me
sweetheart!" She smiled n her next
comment was! "My parents are not
around n i just broke our bed with
my boy friend can you fix it for me
whiles I take my bath plssssss! She
turned n left me standin there. Like
seriously
"This girl paaaa! Abi i be like
carpenter? For her eyes??

Funnyphoto: Black intimidates white guy lol

The decision by the governor of South Carolina to remove the Confederate flag from the State House following the shooting of 9 black churchgoers in Charleston was met with protests from KKK clan.

During the rally, one of the Klan members pissed on his pants when he was confronted by a black guy. Lol

Between a lil girl and her mum

A lovely little girl was holding two apples with both
hands.
Her mum came in and softly asked her little
daughter with a smile: "My sweetie, could you give
your mum one of your two apples?"
The girl looked up at her mum for some seconds,
then she suddenly took a quick bite on one apple,
and then quickly on the other.
The mum felt the smile on her face freeze. She
tried hard not to reveal her disappointment.
Then the little girl handed one of her bitten apples
to her mum,and said: "Mummy, here you are. This
is the sweeter one." She handed her mum the
sweeter of the two apples.
No matter who you are, how experienced you are,
and how knowledgeable you think you are, always
delay judgement. Give others the privilege to
explain themselves. What you see may not be the
reality. Never conclude for others.

Between boyfriend and gurlfriend lol

that's more like it...

Funnyphoto: you must give us Bribe lol

No, they are not Nigerians. These are traffic cops in Congo. And no, they are not enforcing traffic laws. This is how they stop vehicles in Congo...wait for it...To collect bribes...lol! They make their Nigerian counterparts look like saints

One word for this guy

 

would you wear such tattoo? if you ask me, Na so kraze dey start...

#Funnyphoto: Nigerians are so disobedient...lol

The people that dropped this here don't know how to read or just don't care...? Lol

FunnyPhoto: sallah ram

This is how these people are celebrating sallah. Love the tomatoes, onions and cucumbers...healthy living lols

#FunnyPhoto: Naija no dey hear word lol

Exactly right! :-)

#funnyphoto: Mama G turns student lol

The Nollywood veterans pictured in school uniform on set of a new movie being

#funnyPhoto: The fear of Bokoharam

Only in Nigeria...

#Funnyphoto: Hahaha, When your parents have no intention of buying school uniform...

lols this is really funny

when your watching Sex scene with your parents Lol

 sharp guys lol.

#funnyphoto: NYSC student on skirt lol

So this is allowed? You can wear skirt for NYSC if your religion forbids trousers?

A man who treats his woman like a princess is...

this is soo true!

#funnyJoke:Must Read - SEX at library

A Little Johny asked a girl in a library; “Do you mind if I sit beside you”?
The girl answered with a loud voice;
"I DON’T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOUUU!!!”.
All the students in the library started staring at little Johny and he was embarrassed. After a couple of minutes, the girl
walked quietly to his table and she told him “I study psychology and I know what a man is thinking, I guess you felt
embarrassed right?"
Johny responded with a loud voice: "$200 JUST FOR ONE NIGHT!!!? THAT’S TOO MUCH!!!"
...and all the people in the
library looked at the girl in shock and johny whispered in her ears; “I study Law and I know how to make someone feel
guilty"
For more ,hit share.

MY FIRST TIME TO USE A CONDOM

I entered a shop and bought a pack with 3
condoms, looked at them curiously for a while wondering how on earth I could use them. The lady at the counter noticed my puzzlement and asked sincerely, ''Have you ever used a condom? Do you know how to put it on?'' l blushed said,"No!" The
lady took one condom and opened it and wore it on her thumb as an example.'' This is how you wear it. You have to make sure it's tight!'' I was even more puzzled by this. I was just an
innnocent young man. She noticed how shy and confused I was."You must be a virgin," she said teasingly. "Have you ever had sex?" l said, "No!" Then she looked around the
shop; there was no one but just the 2 of us. She
called me behind the counter, opened the door leading to the back-
rooms and invited me in. She quickly locked the
door, told me to hurry up coz "..we don't have
time!" She pulled her short skirt up, her panty
down, opened her legs, and lay her back on a
table. Then she told me to wear the condom on just like she had told me. I did, and she pulled me close, and oh yes there I was right deep inside her wet sweet flesh. But Oh My God no, in just 10 seconds inside it was just too much and I came tsaaa tsaaa tsaaa ziii. The lady feels it too, she feels the hot cremora inside her, and asks me, ''Did you put the condom on like I told you?" "Yes, I did. Just like you told me!" I replied. She says, ''Let's see!" I showed her. "Oh shit!" she screamed. "You are supposed to wear it on your penis not on your THUMB, you dummy!'' Now d baby she had for me is now 8 years and I don't know
wat to do because she said I didn't ask for my child since these years. Is it my fault?

#funnyJoke: bedtime in africa

In USA when couples are going to
bed, you hear 'GOODNITE, MY
DEAR'.
In Britain, you hear
'GOODNIGHT
SWEETHEART. I LOVE YOU'
In Australia, you hear 'SWEET
DREAMS DARLING'
In Africa, you hear 'HAVE YOU LOCKED ALL THE DOORS AND THE WINDOWS?'
don't laugh alone pls!!!!

#‎IbadanGirlsBeLike‬ lols funny sayings

*Lying down on d Still water...
*Pls buy me some Bomb shot..
*Have never steppe..
*Take me to Kfc let order for seeking n sips..
*My best musician is sun tissue..
*I only like two thing in sardine,d oil n d fish,everyother thing is useless..
*My name is zainab but you can call me zain..
*I don't like ...
*Not all that glitter is goat...
*Majority carries d folt..
*Father lord may your name be highly Exhausted..
*When i saw my result,i was successful i passed away...

#Funnyfacts: Real funny facts lol

 

 1. The whitest man on earth still have a black
shadow.....
2. No mechanic can repair breaking news.....
3. No matter how tall you are, you can never
see tomorrow.....

4. Even if you have millions of cars you still
have to walk to your bedroom.....
5. You being the best swimmer doesn't make
you a fish.....
6. The strongest man on earth can never carry
a mountain.....
7. The smartest assassin on earth can never kill
water.....
8. No matter how smart a police is, he can
never catch the air..... And Lastly...
9. No matter how mighty and powerful your
enemies are they will never succeed over
you..

Morning JOKE ****** Racist backfired.

An American man walked into a restaurant in London. As soon as he entered, he noticed an African man sitting in the
corner. So he walked over to the counter, removed his wallet and shouted, "Waiter! I
am buying food for everyone in this
restaurant, except that black African guy over there!"
So the waiter collected the money from the man and began serving free food to everyone in the restaurant, except the
African. However,instead of becoming upset, the African simply looked up at the American and shouted,
"Thank you!" That infuriated the man. So once again, the American took out his wallet and shouted, "Waiter! This time I
am buying bottles of wine and additional food for everyone in this bar, except for that African sitting in the corner over
there!" So the waiter collected the money from the man and began serving free food and wine to everyone in the bar
except the African.
When the waiter finished serving the food and drinks, once again, instead of becoming angry, the African simply smiled
at the American man and shouted,
"Thank you!" That made the American man furious. So he leaned over on the counter and said to the waiter, "What is
wrong with that African man? I have bought food and drinks for everyone in this bar except for him, but instead of
becoming angry, he just sits there and smiles at me and shouts 'Thank you.' Is he mad???" The waiter smiled at the
American and said,
"No, he is not mad. He is the OWNER of this restaurant."
May your enemies work unknowingly in your favour........ .It shall come to pass in Jesus Mighty Name, Amen. Gud nite
pals

#Funnyjoke: Akpos Who killed Abel

I went to the police station to certify my document.
 On arrival, I met one of the policemen reading the bible,
specifically Genesis,
I was so impressed so I asked him, “Officer,
who killed Abel, Adam’s son?”
 He raised his head, looked at my face with dismay and said,
“I don’t know, ask Sgt Asare, he is in charge of murder cases.” -

#FunnyJokes: Nkechi Homework Paper

A primary school pupil looked so sad, so her teacher asked.
 “What’s the problem Nkechi? I hope it’s not homework again.”
 “Well, uh, yes, it is,” replied Nkechi
“I was stupid and made my homework paper into a paper airplane.”
 “Nkechi, you’re right, that was a very stupid thing to do,” said the teacher,
“but I’ll let you just unfold the paper and submit it.”

A primary school pupil looked so sad, so her teacher asked. “What’s the problem Nkechi? I hope it’s not homework again.” “Well, uh, yes, it is,” replied Nkechi “I was stupid and made my homework paper into a paper airplane.” “Nkechi, you’re right, that was a very stupid thing to do,” said the teacher, “but I’ll let you just unfold the paper and submit it.”

See more at: http://www.akposjokes.com/joke/homework-paper
Twitter: @akposjokes

#funnyjoke: Akpos Wedding Reception Drama

Akpos attended a wedding.

After the wedding the reception was a gathering of about 30 people.He sat at the front seat.

Then a lady started sharing food. She started from the back and unfortunately,
it didn’t reach those at the front.

When her friends started sharing drinks, they started from the front but unfortunately, Akpos had already changed his seat to the back.

Again, the drink didn’t reach him.

Akpos was so furious that he stood up to take his leave, but then he saw three ladies each with a big bowl.

This time, he tried to be wise by seating in the middle.

To his uttermost surprise, one of the ladies started sharing from the front while the second lady started distributing from the back. It was turkey meat. When it got to the middle where he was seated it got finished again.

Feeling so frustrated, Akpos bent his head, not looking at any face… .. But then the third lady tapped him and stretched her bowl that he should pick.. he stretched his hand…

Guess what was in the bowl? **TOOTHPICK.**

Akpos attended a wedding.
After the wedding the reception was a gathering of about 30 people.
He sat at the front seat.
Then a lady started sharing food. She started from the back and unfortunately, it didn’t reach those at the front.
When her friends started sharing drinks, they started from the front but unfortunately, Akpos had already changed his seat to the back.
Again, the drink didn’t reach him.
Akpos was so furious that he stood up to take his leave, but then he saw three ladies each with a big bowl.
This time, he tried to be wise by seating in the middle.
To his uttermost surprise, one of the ladies started sharing from the front while the second lady started distributing from the back. It was turkey meat. When it got to the middle where he was seated it got finished again.
Feeling so frustrated, Akpos bent his head, not looking at any face… .. But then the third lady tapped him and stretched her bowl that he should pick.. he stretched his hand…
Guess what was in the bowl? **TOOTHPICK.**
- See more at: http://funnyakposjokes.com/akpos-joke-wedding-reception-drama/#sthash.KTqwuyNm.dpuf

#FunnyPhoto: Lying to girlfriend Sharp guy things

  

lol, better

#funnyjoke: only for Naija

It is only in Nigeria where you’ll see a notice board that says,
 “Job Vacancy: Man wanted with 40 years experience of work.
He must be less than 25 years of age.” -

(my people how una see these kind notice)

#FunnyJoke: Red Goat Akpos

A primary school teacher handed out a coloring page to her class.
On it was a picture of a goat holding an umbrella.
The teacher told her class to color the goat in black and the umbrella green,
however, Akpos, the class rebel, colored the goat in red.
After seeing this, the teacher asked him,
"Akpos, how many times have you see a red goat?"

Young Akpos replied with,
"The same number of times I've seen a goat holding an umbrella."
lol

A primary school teacher handed out a coloring page to her class. On it was a picture of a goat holding an umbrella. The teacher told her class to color the goat in black and the umbrella green, however, Akpos, the class rebel, colored the goat in red. After seeing this, the teacher asked him, "Akpos, how many times have you see a red goat?"

See more at: http://www.akposjokes.com/joke/red-goat
Twitter: @akposjokes

Lol. See what this guy did with Keke Napep (photo)

A guy named Kenneth who lives in Calabar but is from Nnewi in Anambra state redesigned this Keke. He added the stuff in front to make it more balanced. Makes sense or nah?

#funnyPhoto: this person no like NEPA O lol

As seen in a house in Lagos recently...lol